We do not make mistakes in feeling lonely and how to correct it

According to American Psychological AssociationOne in three people suffer from a feeling of constant unit. last Opinion polls It has shown that approximately 60 % report feels at least for some time. At work , Investigative studies Eight out of ten employees showed that they are isolated and separated.
It is known that feeling lonely hurts our health and performance. People with a feeling of loneliness are less likely to work efficiently and fight mentally and emotionally to stay present. They too Three times more likely For low functional satisfaction and you are more likely to have mental and physical health problems. These effects became so widespread that in 2023, the general American surgeon Declare Unit “epidemic”.
The result was a explosion of books, white backgrounds, and advice on how to reduce unit, all with goodwill to refrain from: “connect more”. The result is that we turned the burden into individuals into a single solution by encouraging them to return a company with others, put themselves there, or participate in their societies.
In the workplace, this advice led to more meetings and increased the use of community technological platforms. one a report This has been shown since 2020, a time of Americans who spent it at meetings three times. Daily use of the commercial correspondence application more From 12 million to 32 million in just a few years, the average adult now sends 30-40 messages to its peers daily.
We are in contact more than ever, but we are increasingly alone. What we missed?
It is not a “feeling of lonely”, it is a feeling that you do not care
We can have frequent reactions and we still feel lonely. research Psychologist Alexander Danfars shows that the amount of links does not pay the feelings of loneliness, quality He does. Maybe for this reason Ticket It showed that the feelings of the participants in the unit increased, as their meeting happened.
So, what makes the interaction quality? The distinctive feature is the experience of what psychologists call Accompanying loveBeing at the recipient of behaviors such as attention, respect, affirmation and mercy. In one of the studies conducted on 750 working groups, it was the only variable that greatly reduced the unit and the increasing performance is whether the employees had suffered from the accompanying love from their peers or leaders.
In other words, the opposite of unit does not have more people around you but feel the importance of those around you – where they really saw, hearing, and value. Unity is not the result of non -social communication; It is the result of its lack of awareness Social value For others.
For example, a call to me recently moved to another country. When I asked what was the case, she said, “I am welcome everywhere and I was included in the conversations.
We all felt this uncomfortable feeling in a room full of people, and perhaps even friends, and we realize that no one sees or really knows us.
This feeling that you are not important to others has a name. psychologist Gordon Fleet He calls it Anti -escapingFeeling that you are invisible, not heard of it, or changed its value around you. The opposite of combating deception is an experience Issue–Feeling of importance to those around you who comes from a sense of appreciation and know how to add value.
Opinion polls show approximately 42 % of people Feel “Leave it”, 30 % you feel “hiddenAt work, 39 % He says They do not have a person at work that cares for them as a person, and more than half of the respondents in one reconnaissance He said that no one knows them well.
We are not facing the “unity epidemic”. We are facing a Important deficit. Many of us feel ignored and ignored and others in our daily interactions.
This is actually good news. This means that we are all partially responsible for the unit solution, starting with how we appear in our next interaction.
The road forward: Create more moments of things
Take a moment and think when you feel that you are of interest to others.
If you are like many of the people we met and wiped them, you are not thinking about getting an increase in wages or an employee prize per month or a gift from a friend. You will likely think about small situations when someone offered you sympathy and support, and it took time to listen to you really, remind you of strengths or talents, or tell you how you mean them.
Things happen in moments. In a search for my book The strength of the issueI discovered three distinct features of the interactions that we feel that we are important: a feeling of observation (seen and hearing), and the feeling of certainly (to show how our unique talents occur as a difference), and the feeling of feeling needs (knowing someone depends on us).
If we want to finally reduce the unit, start observing, confirming and showing people how they need your daily interactions. Here’s how to start.
Be looking. Note interest in details, curvature and flows from the life of another person and pay attention to it. Note begins to recognize people. Slow and learn the name of your delivery program. Call the eyes and say hello to hundreds of workers who make daily life possible – from the two wills and Parista to construction workers and teachers. If a colleague is sick, scheduling time to check how they work and provide support.
While you face and deal with people who ask questions deeper than “How are you?” Or “How are you?” And try to ask clear, open and exploratory questions such as, “What is your interest today?” “What is the most important for you today?” Or “What are you struggling with and how can I help?” Be sure to check again what you notice about people.
People confirm. Emphasizing people how to make their unique difference. It is different from general estimate or recognition. Start by saying the best “Thank you” by moving forward to name the unique gifts for a person and tell them exactly how a difference occurs for you. Each person gives us four gifts every day: their strengths, purpose, perspective, and wisdom. People who explain to people how to regularly concern others what they do not see in themselves.
People remind that they needed. Think about someone you depend on in your life or work. When was the last time I told them? Try to say, “If it is not for you … and show them how to add value to your life or work and watch what is happening. You will see the power of things.
There is an additional benefit to show people how they care about these ways: you start knowing how it matters. It is the Boomrang effect known as “the principle of integration” in relationships. Whenever we start a note, confirm, and show others how they need more, the more they start doing this for us.
Thus we will deal with unity – one moment of things.
Zach Merorio, Professor, researcher and author of the book ” The power of the issue: How can leaders create an important culture (Harvard University’s Business Review Press).