- She grew up in a deep religious house, was expelled at the age of 17, and lived a shelter.
- My relationship with my family has been strained for most of my adult life.
- My mother and my brother have cancer. Despite fixing our relationship, I have difficult feelings.
Everything changed after my father found a debt when I was 14 years old.
My brothers, my sister, had to dedicate our lives to live religious principles. I grew up in a home environment where the appearances were everything. We had to “look” with God, or we would strike.
Three years ago, I tried, but when I told my parents that I would not go to school and I did not want to become a sponsor, they expelled me at the age of 17.
I found myself crying in every ounce of the liquid from my body every night on the Pacific Park mission. I got out of high school and made three low -wage jobs to stay.
I became very bitter on my father, especially my mother. I was angry at me and I could not see my little brother, who is two years younger than me.
After years, they die, and I am not sure of feeling.
I did not talk to my family for years
While I tried to work on my way out of the homeless shelter, I met the woman who would become my first wife working in Burger King. We got married the next day to reach 18 years and got an apartment together. I managed to leave the homeless shelter.
After a year, we had a son. Over the next three years, we had another son and daughter. I was not talking to my father or family during this time.
My mother wanted to see her grandchildren, so we talked through some of our grievances. I don’t know if I would talk to my mother if I have no children.
But I did not want my children to know their ancestors, so my mother and I talked about the things we can keep communicating.
I will not call it a deep relationship, but I decided to move from the bitter stage and move to a friendly relationship where the main focus was to see their ancestors.
At this stage, I spoke to my brother again, who was living with my father. Get short calls and allow them to catch up and re -call felt satisfied.
Over the next twenty years, I have been a friendly relationship with my father and I have not spent much time with my brother. They lived their lives, and lived for me.
My mother and my brother had cancer, and things became more complicated
My brother was diagnosed Skin lymphoma lymphoma (CTCL) Three years ago, and my mother discovered that she was The fourth stage of lung cancer A year ago.
I received a call earlier this year that the cancer was spreading, and fly to spend time with them.
I knew that it would be difficult to see while fighting cancer in the late stage, but what I entered into it was my brother in the advanced cancer care center, unable to move, and my mother would like to hold a “end of life” planning meeting. It was worse than I expected.
It was difficult to see him not to move and the nurses had to help him do everything. My mother seemed to weigh 50 pounds and have sores on her mouth as a side effect of the cancer drug; I couldn’t even embrace her due to the risk of a possible injury.
I am worried that I will not feel anything when they explode
This time spending with my mother at the end of her life made me realize that I need to forgive and give up the grudge I was holding for 27 years.
I do not reject what happened to me, but I choose to spend these last days to get to know the mother that I did not. I got close to my brother and held all the time we did not face together.
However, when I saw my mother and sister who fights cancer at the station, and I have what could be their last moments in life, my thoughts were not sure that I would feel anything when they die. I will lie if I don’t admit that part of me is still angry and struggled to abandon it.
I feel bad for them because the person will feel bad for another person who feels bad – but not emotionally, as is the case in a “natural” way that feels bad towards a family member with cancer.
I think it might be just another day when they go away. I was thinking – what does that say about me? Am I a bad person for not falling on the ground and losing more than half of my family dies?
Or is this nothing good because of the complex relationship that we have passed through most of my life?
I don’t know the answers, but these are talks with the therapist.
I spend the most time with them as possible, and I do not want to regret how to deal with this opportunity to say goodbye more healthy.
