Far work is the best thing for me as a parent and worse than a person

Before distant work, my days were blurry Night care declinesTraffic jams, hastily packed lunch, and MAD Dash home to cook dinner before sleeping procedures.

I spent most of my time I feel as if I failed In something – either at work, because I was leaving early to capture my little child, or in parenthood, because I barely had enough energy to read the sleep story without a gesture.

When my company announced Switch to remote work During the epidemic, I thought I won the final prize.

In the beginning, it seemed to be a dream

No more mobility, no more jogging out of the door with an eccentric child, no more guilt about leaving the office at a respectable time.

Instead, I was at home – able to prepare Healthy lunchCrushed between the meetings, and actually witnessed the features of my child instead of hearing them from the daytime care report.

I felt as if I had gained something measurable: time.

However, with weeks turning to months, I started to feel something that I did not expect: Self -loss.

My home has become an endless workplace

the Incomplete Between work and home life, I mean, I have never been around the clock.

I was waking up and immediately checking emails while still in bed. I was playing Legos with my child while excluding a zoom call. I concluded my day and went directly to the preparatory without any mental transfer from the “employee” to “my mother”.

My home turned into an endless workplace, and I became more than others Exhausted.

I have found a new kind of guilt

A guilt once felt away from my child turned into a new type of guilt: a sin that I do not feel full.

When I worked from an office, at least I had a clear separation between the “employee” and “mom”.

Nevertheless, working from the house means that my son will withdraw from my swallow while I was finishing a report, his little face hopes, only for me to say, “only five minutes”, knowing well that it will be longer.

I was not missing at the time specified with him – I was physically but mentally anywhere, and I felt worse.

Then the isolation came

After a distance, the work of the unofficial office interactions that I did not realize. Small conversation next to the coffee machine, “How was your weekend?” Chats in the hallway, spontaneous lunch calls.

Instead, my social interaction was completely reduced outside my direct family to recession messages and video calls that ended as soon as the work discussion ended.

I missed the movement I hated once. Although it was annoying, it was a clear division between my career and personal life – time to switch the mentally. Now, this transition was not present.

Despite the challenges, I faced moments of joy that cannot be denied

Dance parties at the time of automatic lunch in the kitchen, the ability to watch my child when he discovers something new, and the tremendous satisfaction of not having to race around the clock every morning – all this is important.

Work was the best thing for me as a parent and the worst thing for me as a person.

He gave me irreplaceable moments with my child, but she also made me feel an extension, not sure of the place where parenting and motherhood ends.

For some days, I will not exchange it for anything. In other days, I imagine that I imagine a quiet office, lunch rest on its own, and the ability to leave work at the end of the day.

So where does that leave me?

Like other parents who move in this new reality, I still discover it.

Perhaps the answer lies in setting stronger boundaries, restoring faded parts of my identity, or simply accepting this balance is the legend and life is just a series of bites.

Currently, I will take small victories – midday mudent, the absence of a long journey, and a simple joy for lunch together on the kitchen table.

I will cherish the privilege of being in small moments, such as hearing my child’s laughter in the hall or moving away from my office to help the puzzle.